Depleted

Peace does not come from the absence of struggle and conflict.
It is the presence of God creating a stillness within you 
that is greater than what's going on around you.
Steven Furtick

I seemed to have lost last week. I got the second COVID vaccine on Sunday, felt like I had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome on Monday, ran a fever Monday night so I had to miss school on Tuesday. Spent Wednesday and Thursday trying to put my kids back together that fell apart on Tuesday. Friday my kids had a zillion and two tests and I woke up with a raging UTI. I made an emergency stop at Walgreens for Cranberry juice and AZO and pushed through. After the last test, I bugged out and crashed. I thought I felt better Saturday until Paxton said, “Have you taken your temperature today, you don’t look good?” So I took my temperature, which was normal, and just went back to bed. Sunday I finally start to feel human.

My mom reminded me Saturday that my grandmother used to say, “I didn’t know I was sick, I just thought I was lazy.” But then you finally fell better and realize, you might not be a lazy bum after all. Sunday I finally began to feel like I might survive and began to dig myself out. This was the verse for Saturday…

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward . You are serving the Lord Christ. For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality.

Colossians 3:23-25

yea, yea, yea, I get that, but it’s hard and burdensome and overwhelming and becoming drudgery and leaving me feeling very depleted! But I push on and this is Sunday’s verse…

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

Ephesians 2:8-10 (Emphasis added)

and suddenly realize again that the work we are to do heartily, is not our own doing. And that depletion comes from worrying about what I can do to try and fix the problems I face rather than acknowledging, living aware of the fact that this work given to us to do will not be a result of my work, it won’t be a result of my own doing. I should feel overwhelmed, I should feel depleted, it’s too much for my own strength. If I can’t boast then I also can not be blamed, I can’t shoulder the blame for that which I am not responsible. I can only allow God to use me in the situation as he pleases. It may work out well, and I can’t boast about that, and it may not and I can’t shoulder the blame for that. I just have to play my part, fulfill my role, walk in obedience and leave the rest to him.

I can then reflect that chances are good a vaccine sapped my energy and strengthen, while taking on the problems of those around me as if they were my issues to resolve and result in boasting or blame–leaves me depleted as well.

So today, living post-resurrection, I tap in afresh to the grace that has saved me by faith. It will be bad, it will be good, it will not be up to me. I can then chose to walk the path laid before me trusting that all things work together for good for those who love the Lord and desiring for others to see his light shine through me!

Thirty-three days left in the 2020-21 school year. We have triumphs and tragedies yet to face for which we can neither boast nor be blamed, if we are walking in the grace of God. Chose your steps wisely!