My twenty something year old son says arrogantly, “I don’t want children now they are too much responsibility, but hey, I really want a dog.” Because, you know, they are no responsibility at all!!!
Then you hear,
“Mom, I’m going out of town, can my dog stay with you?”
“Mom, I’m going out of town, can my dog stay with you?”
“Mom, my dog is tearing things up because I work and I’m gone a lot.” Who knew!
“Mom I’m working double shifts this week can my dog stay with you!”
“Mom I’ve been working double shifts and really need to sleep late, can my dog stay with you!”
“Mom you can’t go to school because of COVID-19 and I hate for you to have come over and let my dog out in the afternoon, can he just stay with you?”
And bam – I have a dog.
I don’t like him (the dog, not the kid, that’s another post all together!), but he really likes it when his treats are dipped in peanut butter first.
I don’t like him because if you leave the remote control out, he will eat it. I know because he’s eaten FOUR, because remember I am a slow learner.
I don’t like him because he demands to have the bathroom door open and since my bathroom door is a barn door there is very little I can do about it. He hates water, no amount of peanut butter will get him in the shower, but I can’t be in there alone either evidently. Once the door is open he’s perfectly happy and goes to nap on the bed or back outside – he just has to have things the way he likes them.
I don’t like him because he bites my left foot continually when I’m on the TreadClimber.
I don’t like him because he chases off the squirrels and the birds, and he lays IN my flower bed which he has eaten the landscaping timbers, and he likes to dig, and eat holes in the fence…..and he has a hunger for knowledge – he’s eaten several books.
I don’t like him, but he’s sweet as he can be and I love that stupid dog.
Now in the dog daddies defense, he did send him to obedience school, he is crate trained, he’s not a beggar or big fan of people food, but he does keep my kitchen floor clean and he does spend weekends with his dad (sometimes) and he loves to sit on the patio with me and watch tv at night.
Really I don’t want a dog, but he comes with some things that I DO want. I want a great relationship with my adult kids. I want them to say, “Mom can you ….” I want to be needed. I want to have a reason to get up in the morning. I want someone to be excited to see me. I want someone to sit on the couch with me and watch TV at night. I want something to complain about besides my own idiosyncrasies, well dammit, I do want a dog, because he’s part of a package that is in fact a blessed life!
The reality is — the best things in my life I didn’t even know I wanted.
For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.
Romans 7:15
Life is such a dichotomy.
I don’t want a dog, but suddenly I have one.
I don’t want to be fat, but I love to cook and eat, especially with others.
I don’t want to be alone, but I don’t want to go anywhere.
I don’t want to go anywhere, but I love to travel.
I don’t want to be a widow, but I have a dead husband. No, really I don’t want to be a widow! Please don’t refer to me as Ms. I didn’t sign up for this, I don’t want it, I didn’t choose it and it really really sucks. But in reality … I have to focus on what I do have, not what I want or don’t want…
- I have had one and only one marriage, I have honored a covenant to another, I have loved and been loved.
- I have found GriefShare and have met the neatest people through it and made some of the best friends in my life at point that I thought my life was over.
- I have taken more chances, been less controlling, made more plans and been happier with fewer plans.
- I have become more mellow as I realize, really, I am not in control and really that is a good thing.
- For the first time in my life I’m doing what I feel called to do rather than focusing on being someone’s mother or someone’s wife, even though I wouldn’t trade those things for anything.
- I have learned that it’s not about what I want, because I’m usually wrong. It is about surrendering my life and taking advantage of the opportunities God places in my path. And trusting that my days are numbered and I have the choice to make them count or not. And believing that the God who created the universe and cares about the sparrows, also cares about me.
It’s not about what I want or don’t want, it’s about knowing that I am NOT in control and THAT is good!
It’s about sometimes embracing what we do not want because God has incredible blessings in store for us!
Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds!
Luke 12:24
Update: A couple of hours after posting this Rocky shattered the office window charging at a squirrel, broken window, small dog cut, which I thought was no big deal until we ended up in the doggie ER for stitches at 9:30 on Sunday night (cha-ching) and a ten day sentence in the cone of shame!
the psv 